How to Express Condolences in an Email: 10 Steps

Step 1: Get the facts (and your relationship) straight

Before you write, take thirty seconds to answer two questions:
What happened? and who am I to this person? Your tone changes depending on whether you’re a close friend,
a manager, a client contact, or “we met once in a Zoom breakout room in 2021.”

• Confirm the name of the person who died and the recipient’s relationship if you know it. If you don’t, keep it general.
• Don’t ask for details about the death or the family situation. This email is not an investigative podcast.
• Decide the level of formality: friend-to-friend, coworker-to-coworker, manager-to-employee, or business-to-client.

This step prevents the two biggest mistakes: using the wrong name (painful) and using the wrong vibe (awkward).

Step 2: Write a subject line that’s simple and gentle

Your subject line should feel like a hand on the shoulder, not a headline. Keep it short, clear, and calm.

Subject line ideas (pick one and move on)

• Thinking of you
• My condolences
• I’m so sorry for your loss
• With sympathy
• Holding you in my thoughts
• Sending support

When it’s work-related

• Thinking of you, [Name]
• With sympathy, [Name]
• Support during this time

Avoid anything that sounds like a marketing email (“A Special Message in Your Time of Loss”) or a corporate announcement (“Bereavement Notification Re: Q1”).

Step 3: Start with a greeting that matches the relationship

Use the name the recipient actually goes by. If you’re not sure, keep it formal. The greeting sets the tone faster than anything else.

Examples

• Close: “Hi Jamie,” / “Hey Jamie,”
• Professional: “Dear Jamie,” / “Hello Jamie,”
• To a family: “Dear Ms. Rivera and family,”

Skip “Hope you’re doing well”because… no. Also skip “Happy Monday.” There are, in fact, Mondays that should not be happy.

Step 4: Acknowledge the loss plainly (no word gymnastics)

Say what happened in a straightforward way. This is not the time for poetic riddles.

Examples

• “I was so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother.”
• “I just heard about Sam’s passing, and I’m heartbroken for you.”
• “I’m very sorry to hear of your loss.”

If you don’t know the details, keep it general: “I’m sorry to hear about your loss.” That’s enough.

Step 5: Offer sympathy that sounds like you (and avoid the classic clunkers)

“I’m sorry for your loss” is common because it works. But if it feels too automatic, you can personalize the sentiment without getting dramatic.
The goal is sincerity, not a performance.

Warm alternatives

• “I can’t imagine how hard this is, but I’m thinking of you.”
• “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
• “Wishing you comfort and peace in the days ahead.”
• “I’m holding you and your family in my thoughts.”

What to avoid (even if you mean well)

• “Everything happens for a reason.”
• “They’re in a better place.” (Unless you know the person shares that belief.)
• “I know exactly how you feel.”
• “At least…” (There is no “at least” that makes grief better.)
• Anything that pressures them to be strong, positive, or “move on.”

A good rule: don’t try to explain their loss. Just witness it, and show support.

Step 6: If appropriate, include one specific memory or quality

A single concrete detail can make your message feel real instead of generic. If you knew the person who diedor you heard stories about themoffer one
short, kind line. Keep it light and respectful.

Examples

• “I’ll always remember how your dad made everyone feel welcome.”
• “You spoke about your sister with so much prideshe clearly meant the world to you.”
• “I loved hearing your stories about your mom’s sense of humor.”

If you didn’t know them, don’t pretend you did. You can still honor the loss:
“I’m sorry you lost someone so important to you.”

Step 7: Offer help, but make it specific (especially at work)

“Let me know if you need anything” is kind, but it also puts the burden on a grieving person to invent tasks and then ask for them.
If you can, offer something concrete.

Specific support ideas

• Work help: “I can cover the client call Thursday, and I’ll brief you later if you want.”
• Practical help: “If meals are a hassle this week, I’d be happy to send dinner your way.”
• Emotional presence: “If you feel like talkingor if you don’teither is fine. I’m here.”

Even better: offer a yes/no option. Grief brain loves yes/no options.

Step 8: Be careful with religion, sensitive causes, and assumptions

Spiritual comfort can be meaningfulor it can land wrong. If you know the recipient’s beliefs, it may be appropriate to mention prayer or faith.
If you don’t, choose neutral support language.

Safe, neutral phrases

• “I’m thinking of you and your family.”
• “Wishing you comfort and strength.”
• “Holding you in my thoughts.”

Also: don’t speculate about the circumstances of the death. If the loss involves something especially sensitive (like suicide), avoid searching for
explanations. Focus on compassion and connection: “I’m so sorry. This is incredibly hard.”

Step 9: Close gently and remove pressure to respond

Grief comes with a mountain of messages, logistics, and decisions. Give the recipient permission to do nothing with your email.

Closing lines that help

• “No need to replyjust wanted you to know I’m thinking of you.”
• “Take all the time you need. I’m here.”
• “When you’re ready, we’ll support you however we can.”

Sign-offs that fit most situations

• With sympathy,
• Thinking of you,
• Warmly,
• Sincerely,

Step 10: Follow up later (because grief doesn’t end after the first email)

Many people show up in the first weekand then disappear. A short follow-up can mean a lot, especially after the funeral, after visitors leave,
and when the world expects “normal” again.

Simple follow-up notes

• One week later: “Just checking in. I’m still thinking of youno need to respond.”
• When they return to work: “Welcome back. We can take things one step at a time.”
• On a hard date (if you know it): “Holding you in my thoughts today.”

Don’t overdo it. One thoughtful follow-up beats five “circling back” emails (in grief, as in life).

Condolence email templates (copy, paste, personalize)

1) Professional condolence email to a coworker

Subject: Thinking of you

Hi [Name],
I was so sorry to hear about your loss. Please accept my sincere condolences.
If it helps, I can cover [specific task] this week and keep things moving until you’re ready.
No need to replyjust wanted you to know I’m thinking of you and I’m here to support you.

With sympathy,
[Your Name]

2) Condolence email from a manager to an employee

Subject: Support during this time

Dear [Name],
I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your [relationship]. Please accept my condolences.
Please take the time you need. We’ll handle coverage for [projects/meetings] and can adjust timelines as needed.
When you feel ready, we can connect about any work detailsbut there’s no rush and no need to respond right now.

Sincerely,
[Your Name]

3) Condolence email to a client or business contact

Subject: My condolences

Hello [Name],
I was saddened to hear about your loss. Please accept my sincere condolences.
There’s nothing you need to handle on our end right now. We can pause and revisit [project] whenever you’re ready.
Wishing you comfort and peace in the days ahead.

Warmly,
[Your Name]
[Title / Company]

Quick checklist before you hit “Send”

• Did you spell names correctly?
• Is your tone appropriate for the relationship?
• Did you avoid advice, platitudes, or assumptions?
• Did you offer support in a concrete way (when possible)?
• Did you remove pressure to respond?

If you can say yes to most of these, your email will land with care. Perfect wording is optional. Kindness is not.

Real-world experiences and patterns: what people actually appreciate (about )

In real workplaces and real friend groups, condolence emails tend to fall into three buckets: the ones that feel human, the ones that feel automated,
and the ones that accidentally make the moment about the sender. The most appreciated messages almost always live in that first bucketnot because
they’re eloquent, but because they’re grounded.

One pattern that comes up again and again is how much recipients value specificity. Not specificity about the deathnever thatbut
specificity about care. “Thinking of you” is nice. “I can take your Tuesday presentation and send you the notes later” is a small act of relief
disguised as a sentence. Grief has a sneaky way of turning simple tasks into boulders. Concrete offers of help reduce the mental math a grieving person
has to do just to function.

Another pattern: people remember who didn’t pressure them. The line “No need to reply” looks tiny, but it can be huge. During loss,
your inbox becomes a second jobthank-you notes, logistics, family updates, and well-meant check-ins that still require emotional energy to answer.
A message that expects nothing back can feel like a gift. It tells the recipient, “I’m here,” not “Perform okay-ness for me.”

Timing matters too, but not in the way people fear. Many writers panic that they’re “too late.” In reality, a thoughtful email sent a weekor even
several weeksafter the loss can be especially meaningful, because the initial wave of attention has usually faded. The grief, however, is still very
present. A short follow-up like “Still thinking of you” often lands better than an essay-length message delivered on day one.

Then there’s the humor question. Here’s what tends to work: gentle, self-aware humor about the awkwardness of writing, not about the
loss itself. A line like “I don’t have perfect words, but I didn’t want to stay silent” can ease tension without minimizing grief. What tends to flop
is anything that sounds like a joke to “cheer them up.” Grief isn’t a mood that needs fixing; it’s an experience that needs companionship.

Finally, tone is contextual. Colleagues often appreciate a steady, respectful message with practical support. Close friends may want warmth and a memory.
Clients usually benefit from reassurance that deadlines and decisions can wait. When in doubt, choose the simplest version: acknowledge the loss,
offer care, remove pressure, and keep the door open. If you do those four things, your email won’t be perfectand it won’t need to be. It will be
kind, and kindness is what people remember.